Baggage vs. Learned Lessons x Ms. Jones
Stranger by Jhene Aiko
Heartbreak. We have all experienced it a time or two. It is by far the worst non-physical pain that can be experienced. The emotional pain can be so severe that it can actually cause physical pain! This pain can arise on many different levels, regardless of how one experiences the pain from heartbreak, it only takes one time to know that we do NOT want to experience this pain ever again.
After one heartbreak, we typically become the complete opposite of what we were before the failed relationship occurred. We create defense mechanisms and do whatever we can to avoid falling in love again. We look for reasons to dislike someone and when we do find valid reasons to continue to like someone, we do not embrace it “love”. It is more than obvious when a person is scorned by a previous relationship, however, what is not apparent is whether we have become bitter, or just at peace with the past and learned valuable lessons from from failed relationships. Is this baggage or just simply learning from your mistakes?
JusTeah did an awesome post about baggage. We all know the last thing a man wants is a woman with baggage. No, the next man should never have to pay for a “has-been’s” mistakes, however, this is where the confusion lies. Don’t they say “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”? Is it wrong to apply the lessons that you have learned to your future relationships? This does not mean do not love, do not care, do not trust. What I am referring to are the warning signs. Should we ignore the beginning warning signs that something may be fishy based on what we have learned before? Hypothetically speaking, let’s say that we are completely optimistic and bag free. We notice he or she may have some traits or habits that remind you of a previous relationship. Their phone gets notifications during all hours of the night and he or she does not check them. Despite the fact that the ex had these same patterns, we are completely optimistic regardless of the pain we endured before. We ask questions for clarity and to ease our state of mind. He or she lets us know that they are emails from social networks or something of that nature. We give them the benefit of the doubt and trust their word and just simply keep it moving. We find out months later that he or she had a completely different life that we knew nothing about and we are then once again experiencing heartbreak.
Once again, the most excruciating emotional pain is at our front door. Our heart is now shattered into 1 billion pieces again. Who is to blame in this situation? We know to blame the the cheater of course, but do we blame ourselves for ignoring all of the warning signs that we saw from day one? Should we have applied the lesson we learned from our previous relationship in order to avoid what we are now going through all over again? Were we wrong for being optimistic about love and not thinking logically about the order of events that have taken place?
There are so many questions about love and relationships that will just be answered with time. I guess this is just one of those things….
What are your thoughts?
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