In having a conversation about love and relationships with a friend….the question was posed: “how do you know when you’ve found the one”?! My response: when they’re afraid to lose you.
In a generation in which “girls are like buses…every 15 mins, they run” or “on to the next one” are the mottos to live by….I think many people have begun to take advantage of the good thing they may have waiting at home, all because they know that there are “more fish in the sea”. I whole-heartedly believe that the one who is truly meant for you, is the one who will do any and everything in their power to assure that you stay. The one who refuses to let you go without a fight. The one who cringes at the very first thought of you ever walking away.
All too often, I’ve noticed the guys who could care less as to whether they speak to their girl after a huge argument, or a female who hops up in another man’s face 10 minutes after a break-up. People no longer value one another. It’s as though people are in relationships for the sake of filling space. Now, do I want my man to question if I’m coming home to him at the end of the night every time I leave the club?! No. Do I want my man to stay on his toes even after he’s won the prize and has made me his woman?! Yes. People put all of their effort into the chase, and soon after, forget what it takes to maintain a good and healthy relationship. What you did to get them is what you need to do to keep them…and some. It’s not until a good thing is gone before you realize its true worth and value. Why?! I’ve always loved that quote “People say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it”. This quote speaks volumes and is the God-awful truth.
People these days also seem to think that their actions will never catch up to them, and honestly, many times this is the case. Ladies, if your man knows that anytime he doesn’t come home after the club, you get mad for a day, he smiles and you get over it, you can’t be mad when it becomes a weekly habit. Plain and simple, people will only do what you allow them to, something that I myself, am still trying to learn. Another thing is that women, and maybe even some men, seem to confuse loyalty with stupidity. Now I’m not casting any stones because we have all been there, but ladies…there comes a point where you have to draw the damn line. We confuse “holding a man down” with holding ourselves back. Remaining “loyal” to someone who continues to hurt you, disrespect you, and shows no remorse for his actions is stupid. Remaining “loyal” to a man who looks at you as his 3rd or 4th option?!…again…is stupid. I’ve been in that position before, and I really had to take a look in the mirror and realize that I was just plain dumb to continue being “loyal” to a guy who had “loyalties” to numerous chicks. To be honest, I’m not sure that many of you know what being loyal really even means, but I’m not here to define it for you either.
Furthermore, many times we value words more than we value actions. He says he loves you, but he spends more time away from you than he does with you. She says you’re the only one, yet you notice her phone always rings at the same late night hour when you’re with her. Many times, we ignore people’s actions because they say the right things, and at the right moment. Constantly giving someone chance after chance, only for them to prove that they weren’t worth the second opportunity to begin with. Why?! Because they say the right things. Because they say things will change. Well how long do you wait for that change to come?! When you notice that things are remaining the same….do you stay? Do you leave? Or do you continue to wait, and hope that each morning you wake up, he/she will have become who/what you want them to be overnight?!
At the end of the day, relationship titles don’t hold much weight. Hell, even the values of relationships are non-existent. Partners cheating or carrying on multiple relationships while allegedly being committed to someone else. People overstepping their boundaries and completely disregarding any type of respect for a relationship that one may have. Things just aren’t the same, and that’s very clear to me.
Now I know I’ve used a good share of cliches and quotes throughout this post, but one key thing that many people need to realize and truly comprehend…the grass for damn sure isn’t always greener. If you focused more energy on taking care of home, instead of wondering what may be lurking outside those four walls of that home, then maybe a relationship can be salvaged. Focus on your relationship before you become focused on being single. Pay attention to the signs because more often than not, break-ups don’t happen overnight, they happen over time. So while you were too busy focused on the next, you didn’t even notice your current/future slipping away. Word to the wise, appreciate what you have before it becomes what you had, and you end up salty at the next man because he knew what you had and was patiently waiting for you to lose it.
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